What it means to be a mom

Being a first time, stay at home mom has opened my eyes to a whole different world. I’m not the same person I was before having Mackenzie. I’m more patient… unless I haven’t slept in days, then this isn’t the case. I’ve learned to function on little sleep and food.

With Mother’s Day approaching, I wanted to share some thoughts I have on what it’s like being a mom. You may agree or disagree with my list and that’s ok. This is just my experience!

  • I’ve learned to shower with the door open & do everything I need in under 5 minutes
  • It’s very cold with the door open but you need to be able to hear the phantom baby cries.
  • It’s SUPER cold when you jump out of the shower to check on your crying baby, who is not crying, is soundly asleep in the recently recalled rock n play because it’s safer than her falling on the floor off the bed.
  • The struggle between not wanting to spend money on yourself when your baby obviously needs another Jessica Simpson outfit that you’ve had your eye on for weeks at T.J.MAXX…
  • It’s treating yourself daily to a $5 drink from Starbucks because you deserve it. Also, it’s probably the only thing you’ll consume all day until dinner.
    Oh yea and you’re the mom so you have to make dinner. You can’t just eat ice cream and go to bed like the old days. Now you have to make vegetables and healthy shit that you wouldn’t eat yourself. Cool.
    It’s pretending to be asleep while the baby cries in the middle of the night because she purposely threw her pacifier behind the crib. So your husband gets up because mama wants to sleep through the night too.
    It’s being able to function on broken sleep, coffee, and unwashed hair.
    It’s wearing the same clothes multiple days in a row, spraying some perfume on yourself & hoping for the best because who is gonna do YOUR laundry?! Can’t do laundry if there are no clothes to wash 😂
  • It’s the struggle between loving and hating your body because society said so. Yes you grew a human in your body. Yes you gave birth to said human. You’re amazing. So we love our bodies for it. We are told to love our bodies and our stretch marks. I’m 8 months postpartum and I’m not ok with it. The world is telling you one thing and the internet is showing you pictures of celebrities who are 4 minutes postpartum, that don’t have a mark on their very toned, very tan bodies. Did you even have a baby?!
  • If you’re unlucky like me, you even had a second degree tear and had stitches… so really nothing is the same from the neck down. Pregnancy was fun… 😒
  • It’s wanting your baby to grow up but also stay little. And it goes FAST. People aren’t lying when they say it.
  • My new super power is smelling my baby’s poop from a mile away. Anyone else? Just me.. ok 👌🏼
  • It’s watching the same cartoon over and over and over again. My daughter loves Mickey and can’t be bothered with anything else. We’ve watched Mickey Mouse clubhouse ENTIRE series 9 times 🙃
  • You wish everything was a drive-thru. It’s like you want to get out of the house, but not the car, ya know what I mean?
  • Self care use to mean getting my hair and nails done.. now it means locking myself in the bathroom for 5 minutes to catch up on instagram stories… who am I?!

What does being a mom mean to you? The negative, the positive, it all matters!

I just want to wish all my friends a happy Mother’s Day! This is my first one with my daughter.

See you soon!

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Finding balance

Finding balance

Trying to find balance after having a baby is not easy. Trying to be a good mom, a good wife, pay attention to the dog, text my friends or family back within the hour (which sometimes can be 2-3 days… sorry!), finding a moment for myself, and even finding time to write a blog post has become a challenge!

Mackenzie needs me the most and of course she is my number one priority! Some days are definitely easier than others. We do have more good days than bad but even the good days are completely exhausting.

I think this is true for most women that just had a baby, but giving your husband the attention he needs is nonexistent in those first few months. I love my husband more than ever, especially after seeing him with our daughter but by the end of the night, when the baby is asleep and we finally have some time for ourselves, all I want to do is go to sleep. I’m hoping over the next few weeks this will change.

Now when I say I try to have a moment for myself, I don’t mean going to the bathroom with the door closed. Or taking a nice hot shower. When you become a mom, you lose yourself. You aren’t ‘Kristina who loves makeup’, you’re ‘Mackenzie’s mom’. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE that title but I still want to feel like ME also. We go through a lot when we’re pregnant and after giving birth. Our body isn’t the same. It’s caring for another human being. It’s amazing but you can’t forget who you were. If doing what you love makes you happy and you no longer do it, are you still happy? And doesn’t happy wife=happy life? Lol or happy mom? Everyone wants mama to be happy!

As Mackenzie gets older, and more independent, I’m hoping to find a little more time to do things I enjoy. Like my makeup, taking photos, writing. I want her to learn that she can be everything she wants and still be a good wife and mom some day.

You don’t need to give up everything just because you had a baby. It’s ok to still be you.

What hobbies did you enjoy before having a baby that you don’t do now and wish you did? Leave a comment below!

Thanks for reading!

See you soon,

Kristina

Newborns are scary

Newborns are scary

If you’re a first time mom, you have to admit that you were scared shitless the first night home with your baby. Hell, maybe even the first week or month!

It’s only been 3 months since Mackenzie was born but it feels like a lifetime ago already!

That first night home with her was so nerve-wracking! I remember thinking about how many times I would have to get up during the night to feed her, to change her. Would I get any sleep? Would anyone sleep? Ever again?

I can also recall being so nervous about over feeding her. The nurse told us to give her 20 ML every 2-3 hours. That’s less than ounce. I cried on my couch because at her 4 day old check up, she weighed only 6 lbs. She was 6 lbs 10 oz at birth and 6 lbs 6 oz when we left the hospital 2 days later.

Oh and no one told me that babies do this freaky eye roll thing where they look like they’re possessed or having a seizure. It freaked me out every time Mackenzie did it! Luckily it stopped after a few weeks!

The soft spot- you know on the top of their head?? It pulsates. What. The. Hell.

Babies are small, fragile little creatures and I was so scared to dress her. I thought I was gonna break her arms and legs. She literally wore only onesies for the first few weeks lol.

Somehow we made it to almost week 15 and I feel like an old pro now! I hope our next baby is as good as Mackenzie is.

What were you scared/nervous about when you brought your baby home?

Thanks for reading!

See you soon,

Kristina

What it’s like being a mom without my mom

What it’s like being a mom without my mom

I lost my mom on May 27, 2013. She had a tough, 9 month battle with lung cancer. I had so many thoughts the night she passed away. She wouldn’t be there to help me find a wedding dress, she wouldn’t be dancing at our wedding, and most importantly…. she wouldn’t get to hold her grandchildren someday.

Fast forward to January 2018, when I found out I was pregnant. I immediately thought of my mom. It hurt my heart that she wasn’t here. I couldn’t call her to tell her. We wouldn’t go shopping for the baby. She wouldn’t be at the hospital, waiting for her grandchild to be born.

Over the past year, I’ve read so many articles of other women becoming mothers and not having their own mom anymore. Sometimes it brings me comfort to read other peoples stories. Other times it angers me.

Why my mom? She wanted me and my sister to have kids some day. She loved kids! She watched kids in our home, my whole life. She honestly would have been the greatest grandma ever.

August 31, 2018… I’m in labor, completely out of it because of the medications I was on due to preeclampsia, 18 hours of labor, 2 hours of [barely] pushing, my beautiful, perfect, sweet baby girl was born.

Mackenzie Jean.

I just kept thinking about my mom and how bad I wanted her there. Not even so much to be with me, but to meet the girl I named after her.

My mom’s name was JeanMarie, Gina was her nickname. My husband and I decided to give my mom’s first name as our daughters middle name.

I’m now 3 months into this mama role and some days, I have no idea what I’m doing. I want to call my mom so bad and ask her for advice. Or send her pictures of Mackenzie. I want to brag about all of her firsts and tell her how smart she is already. My mom would have agreed, of course.

Instead, I talk to Mackenzie about my mom and tell her all the things her grandma would love about her. I tell her about all the adventures they would have gone on, all the fun they would have had, and all the memories they would have made.

Mackenzie will always know my mom. She will always know how much she loved her. She will always have someone watching over her.

My mom left a note before she passed. It’s heartbreaking to read. She knew she wouldn’t make it. I’m thankful we have it though.

As I end this, I know my mom is always with me. I know I can talk to her. It’s not the same though. Nothing beats her being physically here.

I love her and I miss her everyday.

Here is the letter she wrote to my dad, me and my sister 😔

Thank you for reading

See you soon,

Kristina

You know you’re a mom when…

You know you’re a mom when…

Being a mom means you have to make sacrifices. Some of these things are obvious, even before you have a baby. Other things aren’t! You don’t realize until after your babe is born how much you took for granted.

Here is a list if things I’ve sacrificed after having my baby!

  • Long, hot showers
  • Getting to wash your hair AND shave your legs during the same shower
  • Blow drying/straighten your hair – these days, I let it air dry & take care of it the next day!
  • Going to the bathroom with the door closed
  • Going to the bathroom without an audience… some days I have the baby staring at me, some days it’s the dog. Sometimes it’s both!
  • Drinking hot coffee! – I usually get to drink it while it’s hot if I chug it
  • Eating a warm meal
  • Taking my time to eat
  • Eating at the same time as my husband
  • Being anywhere on time… we’re usually late by a few minutes
  • Doing my eye makeup. I could throw on my face makeup [foundation, brows, mascara] in 10 minutes, one handed, while holding Mackenzie
  • A full nights sleep – Kenzie sleeps 10-12 hours straight through the night… but me? I’m up every hour to make sure she’s still breathing. I usually poke her lol
  • Watching an hour tv show, in an hour. Some days, it takes my husband and I 3 hours to watch one tv show!
  • “Doing my hair” is just me putting it up in a fun bun these days!
  • These are all I could think of at the moment! Feel free to add to the list by commenting below!
  • See you soon,
  • Kristina
  • I followed a Pinterest recipe and it wasn’t a fail!

    I followed a Pinterest recipe and it wasn’t a fail!

    How many times have you been on Pinterest, pinning delicious cookie pictures, mouth-watering crockpot recipes or yummy appetizers?

    How many times have you wanted to make that recipe to see if it’s as good as the picture looks?

    I stumbled upon this cookie picture on Pinterest a while ago. Pinned it. Forgot about it. Saw it again and decided to make it myself!

    Looked easy enough. Just a few simple ingredients, I could do this!

    Trying to bake with a 3 month old was the hard part of all of this! She kept pushing her little toy far away from her, she was crying, and just wanted me to sing baby shark while I just wanted to listen to Christmas music.

    Once the cookies were cooled off, I sampled one. Ok 6. They are so good!! I never made cookies with cake mix. They are fluffy and the chocolate chips are melty. The sprinkles on top give it a little crunch. It’s a 10/10 from me!

    If you’re on the fence about recreating a pin you saw on Pinterest, give it a shot! While Pinterest fails are funny, Pinterest wins are yummy!

    You can follow me on Pinterest here

    See you soon,

    Kristina

    It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas

    It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas

    Christmas is my second favorite holiday, Halloween is my first! There is just something magical and cozy about the holiday. I love to decorate our home and make it look festive.

    My style has changed over the years from using whatever was cheap it hand-me-downs, to rose gold/whites and a whole lot of flocking.

    I’m obsessed with my flocked Christmas trees. They are perfect and fake and I will never, ever get a real tree again. As beautiful and fluffy as real trees are, they are a freakin mess! My husband and I are still finding pine needles from the huge tree we got last year!

    This won’t be the most exciting blog post but I wanted to share some of our decorations.

    I’ll do my best to find links to everything or at least mention what store they’re from.

    Most pictures are directly linked to my Instagram!

    Thanks for stopping by and reading this short post!

    See you soon,

    Kristina